Oh Wretched Retirement!

I read a really stupid article today in a trade publication that caters to financial advisers, formerly known as stock brokers. The essential thesis was that not only is it the adviser’s role to help individuals save for retirement, but also to gauge the client’s psychological readiness to retire.

As if:

·       A person’s miserable job is how they he defines himself and finds meaning in his life.

·       She has zero imagination on how she’s going to fill the yawning hours formerly devoted to mindless cubicle activities.

·       All his and her plans revolve around golf, reading, and traveling.

·       He/she has somehow become a stranger to his/her spouse and his/her constant presence would be an unbearable burden.

When is a problem not a problem? Here’s my off-the-cuff blueprint of a typical day in

Carl Ehnis’s retirement:

·       Get up at 7:30 a.m. and run 3 to 10 miles

·       Breakfast and read the New York Times

·       Write something unpublishable for a couple of hours

·       Lunch with highly compatible spouse

·       Nap. Oh, will I love taking naps!!!!

·       Putter around the house and yard for an hour

·       Fire up the amp and practice guitar for at least an hour

·       Go to the gym for an hour and a half. Or not.

·       Read from my 30 years of literary backlog

·       Dinner and Jeopardy

·       TV, a movie, a play, whatever.

·       Bed

Maybe some days I’ll do a part-time job, preferably bagging groceries at the local Whole Foods. Yeh, we’d travel some. Maybe learn how to play golf. I can tell that retirement is something at which I will excel.

And don’t worry—you will, too!