The Mystery of FIOS

I'm one of the millions of disgruntled Comcast customers who are sick and tired of erratic Internet performance, over-priced TV packages, balky reception, interminable waits for telephone assistance, and constant price creep in my monthly bills whenever they find a "mistake" and incorrect charges that always seem to be in Comcast's favor.

I am also located in a part of town that provides zero competition for my business--unless you call satellite dishes and Verizon DSL "competition." So imagine our joy when my wife went on the Verizon website and discovered that FIOS was finally available in our ZIP code. We spontaneously broke out in the dance of joy at the news! Everyone I know who has FIOS expressed maximum bliss over FIOS service, speed and reliability.

But when I dug a little deeper, I was crestfallen to discover that my particular block was not yet wired for FIOS, even though neighborhoods in my ZIP code have had FIOS for years.

So what gives? I called Verizon, and over the course of being passed around by a half dozen different drones in the call center over the course of about an hour I found no one who could give me a straight answer as to why my town has FIOS but my street does not--or whether FIOS would ever come to my street.

So I called City Hall, trying to find the party responsible for CATV negotiations. The gentleman who administers such things said FIOS is contracted to provide services in my town, but it's up to Verizon to decide when and where to string the blessed fiber optic cables that are behind the magic.

"Did you try calling Verizon?" he suggested. I thanked him and hung up.

The whole FIOS thing is a mystery and I know what you're thinking. Just unplug the cable, buy a digital antenna and get local HD for free and stream NetFlicks, Hulu, Amazon or whatever. Yes, but I'm a sports fan and it's impossible to stream YES to get the Yankees and Nets or MSG for the Knicks. And my wife likes a bunch of cable channels that currently don't stream, so we're stuck.

As we're slowly bled by the Comcast cartel, I'm left to wonder what exactly are the benefits to consumers when industries consolidate to the point of virtual monopolies like Comcast and Verizon? And don't get me started on the airlines industry!

Perhaps one day we'll wake up and FIOS will have magically made its way into our neighborhood. One can dream.

Gone Girls

As of June 21, 2015, my wife and I became empty-nesters. We married off the last of our two daughters to a very nice guy, which followed by nearly five years the evacuation of her older sister to the joys of marriage, again to a very nice guy.

The literature indicates that many parents facing this milestone in life find it unendurable and search out the nearest bridge from which to make a flying leap. So far, the adjustment for us has not been quite that intense, though we did moon about for the first week or so. My wife took it pretty hard and even I was less stoic than I had expected.

We both know that there will be certain traditions and rhythms that will change by not having the kids around as much. I imagine there will be fewer Chipotle Fridays and evenings of riotous dinner banter. But we'll adjust.

My wife, a wise person, has sensibly made it a point to establish some new traditions. We will go out to eat at least once a week, spend more time with friends, try to make new friends (a thought that makes me cringe), and be more open to last minute spontaneous activities. Things like that should help fill the void of fewer Erica and Natalie encounters.

Of course I had big plans. Two vacant bedrooms to work with. My vision was a music studio in one and a writing room in the other. Unfortunately, those bedrooms remain fully occupied by our kids' stuff for the indefinite future, so that means that neither my wife nor I can repurpose those spaces more effectively.

In the end, I guess we are all better off. Erica and Natalie are off to a great start in the more permanent parts of their lives, and Micky and I can return to the days of pre-kid bliss that we enjoyed for a decade before becoming model parents.

Still, the eerie silence of our Gone Girls will probably still be an issue every now and then. In which case, maybe the best move is to turn up the music a little louder and make the martinis a little colder.