Maybe You Need to Trust Yourself

In the next few weeks I’m going to release my first novel to the world as an e-book priced at a very reasonable $3.99. Much more on that over the next few weeks. But this is about why I’ve waited so long to take the plunge and publish.

I actually wrote this book (entitled MEDICUS, by the way) more than 10 years ago. And MEDICUS is not my first novel; it is in fact my fourth. None of its predecessors have seen print either. The reason has to do with self-confidence and validation. The old model of publishing is very similar to those of auditioning for a play or trying out for the football team. You put your goods up for professional appraisal, who then decide whether what you have to offer is worthy for the role, the team, or the printing press.

My assumption was if it’s not good for a traditional publishing house, it’s not worth publishing. But publishers make choices based on a myriad of criteria, many having to do with marketing, author pedigree, list balance, and other arcane considerations. Manuscripts chosen based purely on inherent quality represent a vanishingly low percentage of traditional publishing decisions.

I accepted the premise that if my book was rejected, it simply wasn’t good enough and I moved on. But then I went back and re-read my books. And I liked them. To me, the stories were funny, moving, complex, and well told.  Those whom I allowed to read them seemed to agree, including the professional editors I hired to help improve them. 

Could the agents and publishers who rejected my novels have been wrong? Not necessarily. Maybe the themes and characters were not in their wheelhouse or maybe they were looking for the next Michael Chabon or John Irving, who I definitely am not.

But as I’ve gotten older, I’m trusting myself more and more. As a writer, as a bagel maker, as an anything that I do well. So, given the practical ability to self-publish, market and distribute via Amazon, Smashwords, Apple, and Barnes and Noble, I’ve decided to take that trust to another level and expose my work to the public. I’m going to see if there truly is an audience for my stories—an audience that may not have been perceived by the handful of professional appraisers who got the first shot at MEDICUS.

But this isn't only about me. What about you? What is it that you can do, have done, are thinking of doing, but don’t trust yourself enough to undertake and risk a public exposure? I believe I’ve wasted almost 30 years of potential fulfillment by not trusting my skills, talent, and judgment. Are you holding back, too? Maybe it’s time to take a risk and trust yourself!

I’m done letting others dictate my worthiness. Instead I’ll trust my instincts. I’ll let book sales and reader feedback to either validate or invalidate my efforts. It’s a risk I’m finally willing to take. And I’m willing to take it over and over again.

What is your story?